I don’t actually know what I’m doing

I’m starting this blog because I want a place for my thoughts, feelings, photos, poetry, my attempts at being funny, my attempts at being deep — everything. Right now I have a lot of feelings and a lot of changes happening in my life. I’m pretty much in the eye of the storm of my life rn. I just graduated from college where I majored in Political Science and Sociology and was way too involved for my own good. All I remember are burritos and crying. Anyway, I’m about to move to Madrid to teach English for a year, which doesn’t exactly have anything to do with my major or what I want to pursue, but is my way of traveling the world for a little while slash maybe forever.

To be honest, I’m kind of tired of talking about it, because I get the same responses over and over again — that’s so cool! I wish I could do that! What are you gonna do when you get back? Is this what you want to do with your life? Okay, first of all, it’s not that cool. I mean, yeah, traveling the world is what I’ve always wanted to do, but the reality is that all the people who have said this to me can do the same thing. Basically, if I can do it, you can do it. You just have to choose if you really want it and stop limiting yourself. Secondly, I don’t know when I’m coming back. Or if I’m coming back. Or really anything. I don’t know anything.

Like everything in my life thus far, this year is a wing it and hope for the best kind of thing. Def a fake it till you make it kind of experience. Because, for real, I really don’t know what I’m doing. I’m just making it up as I go along and accepting every scare, mistake, disappointment, and utter fail as a learning experience to laugh at. That’s how I want to live this year, and every year.

This post should probably end with something dramatic and vague and optimistic, but this isn’t the end of something or the beginning, it’s just a continuation of what already is. And there is so, so much more to come.

-M

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